I have nothing to say, but I feel like writing. I was feeling kind of down all day today. I don't know what's wrong with me. How do military couples deal with this separation stuff all the time? I think I just get angry sometimes, because I feel like I'm not going anywhere. I feel like time isn't going by. What scares me is if when Tony comes home, and I'm still unhappy. But, I know that it really isn't that bad. I'm just PMSing and being all melodramatic. Tony makes me happy. He makes me giddy. Everything is funnier when he is around, and he makes me feel safe. I couldn't ask for a better husband, or a better friend.
I was thinking today, about how I never feel totally and completely comfortable, like I'm never in my own skin. It scares me sometimes, because I have this sort of internal voice whispering that I don't quite belong. So, I was thinking about all this and wondering if I will ever feel comfortable in this life. It made me think of something in Hebrews 11:13
All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth.
The new testament talks a lot about how Christians are strangers or aliens in the world because we were created to be with God, not to be separated from Him. So, basically, I'm never going to feel completely comfortable in my own skin as long as I am on earth. There's always going to be something missing, something that only God can fill. I guess that means that I don't want to be comfortable and complacent. I don't want to just settle. At least, no matter what, I'll always have this promise:
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
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2 comments:
I can't imagine what you must be going through, Tony will be home soon and you will be abe to get on with your own life. I am sure that will make you feel a lot better. It is always nice to hear from you.
Thanks for praying yesterday. I read part of Psalm 40 yesterday when I was upset.
1 I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry.
2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.
3 He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD.
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