I don't like

sharing a house with randomness...

Moving on

Ok, I've been soooo grumpy fot the last few weeks whenever I go to church. I'm kinda realizing once again what I sort of already knew before. Tony and I need our OWN church, one that is a little more stable than the chapel. I'm kind of a little bit confused right now. The chapel holds some senitmental value for me, because it is where I grew up going to church and where I met and married my husband. But, even more than that, it has been the root of much of my frustration for as long as I've lived in Savannah. Since I've started helping with this kids church thing every Sunday, I feel like I've grown further and further away from the chapel. Everything about it seems to irritate me. Or maybe it's just being stuck with the kids.
I got really ticked off today, because the people who are basically in charge of leading the kids church never showed up. They didn't call or email or anything to let us know they weren't coming, so mom, Donna, and I were basically stuck improvising a whole stinking hour of kid's church. I really don't like doing stuff like that. Mom did a good job, getting it all together at the last minute. I really didn't have to do too much, which is good because I was so ticked off, I probably would have cried. Then, after church, when everyone was congregating outside and talking, I realized that I had no one to socialize with. I don't really know anyone my age who goes there anymore. I was so upset, and I just wanted to go home, but I had to wait 30 minutes more because I drove mom and Donna, and mom was still talking. (I told mom I'm gonna start waking up earlier so I can leave before anyone else, so I don't have to drive people and wait on them.)
So, I told Tony today about how I kind of want to look for a new church when he comes home, and he said that he really wants to go somewhere else as well. He doesn't like how much everything changes so often either. And I'm so relieved, because I didn't want to be selfish and pull Tony away from the chapel if he wanted to stay there. But, he doesn't, so I can finally get away! It's really not that bad, but it's just not right for me, and apparently for Tony either.

Apartment Pictures

I got to see the apartment today. They've finished putting in new carpet and counter tops, but they haven't cleaned it up yet.
The floorplan is just like the one i have pictured here, only flipped, so the kitchen is on the right and the bedroom is on the left. I bought a mattress today, also, so i can't wait t figure out how much furniture we actually have for our apartment. It's on the second floor, so it should be tons of fun moving in! That's all for now.

The New Year's a-comin'

Tony should be home by New Year's, at least.

mixed feelings

I'm going on a cruise with Ted, Lisa, Matthew, Shane, and Colby, and right now I have mixed feelings. Don't get me wrong. I am so excited about going. It's getting cold up here, and I'm ready to get out into some sun, and maybe actually swim in ocean water that isn't brown. It will be fun hanging out with all of them on the boat and visiting some islands. But, in spite of all this, I feel sad. I won't be able to talk to Tony at all while I am away. And now, knowing that this time tomorrow we'll be sailing, I feel awful. I look forward to talking to him every night. It's what gets me through the day. In fact, when Ted told me about this awesome opportunity, I almost said no, because I knew I wouldn't get to talk to Tony at all. But, at the same time, maybe I will have so much fun that the days will fly by, and I'll come home on our 1 Year Anniversary, and have so many wonderful things to tell Tony about my trip, that I will feel that much closer to his coming home. After all, if the date they've given him stays the same, Tony will be leaving Iraq exactly one month from our Anniversary, Thanksgiving, and Colby's Birthday. He will finally be coming home, to our very own home, for good.

What IS going on?

I just got out of my Spanish class. I'm still trying to remember a whole bunch of vocab. Yay!
Ok, so, here's a little update on what's going on with me and mi familia. Mi padre is sequestered (spelling?) for some huge murder trial that's going on right now to decide if this guy should get the death penalty or not. Wow. That's one decision I hope I never have to make. I miss talking to him and just having him in the house. So, it's just me, madre, and abuela over here, plus Donna (random, but nice, soldier lady who is living here until she gets out of the army...) Abuela is driving me loca. She fell down last night, face first, and oh so much blood just started pouring everywhere. She panicked, as did I, and she kept blowing her nose, even though I was telling her not to, because that makes the bleeding worse. I said, "Breathe through your mouth, Grandma," which she answered with, "I caaaaaaan't," even though that's what she was already doing. After that, she started yelling at me everytime I left the living room because she didn't want me to leave. I couldn't be in the same room with her anymore. She just lost her last living brother this past week, so I guess she's a little more crazy than usual. I think the craziness is contagious.

So, in other news this week, I've put down a deposit on an apartment at King's Cove. It's a 1 br, 1 ba on the 2nd floor with a balconey thing and a walk in closet. I can start moving in on December 1st and have everything ready by the time Tony comes home in January. I'm so excited. I don't know how much stuff I have for el apartmento, and I won't know until I start moving stuff. I'm sure we'll get by just fine, though. I can tell you that I already have a beautiful martini set that Nicole got for Tony and I. It's not something I would have ever bought myself,and I doubt I'll ever use it because I'm weird and I only like to drink milk and water, but it comes with six glasses, a pitcher and a stirer thingy, and I like it. Yay for me.

Well, that's all for now. If any of y'all see me in the next few days, keep your distance. I have a cold. Blah

So, here we are, in the last couple of months of deployment. Before long, I'll be jumping every time the phone rings, hoping this call will tell me when and where to go pick up my soldier. I've been hearing so much about how difficult the whole homecoming thing is, and to be honest, I'm a little nervous. I've been looking forward to Tony coming home since before he left. I've thought about it, dreamed about it, talked about it, wrote about it. And yet, there's a little voice in the back of my head whispering all sorts of negative things. What if he doesn't like how I've set up house? What if he doesn't like how I've spent our money? What if we don't know how to get along any more? What if he notices the weight I've put on and thinks I'm unattractive?

Writing out all of my ridiculous insecurities I can see how, well, ridiculous they are. Tony and I have been very fortunae through this deployment in that we've been able to talk on the phone and/or internet almost every day. We've learned things about each other in the course of a few months that it may have taken us years to learn otherwise. We've spoken more to each other than many couples do through their entire marriages. Most importantly, I know that Tony loves me. He does everything he possibly can to make sure I know this. Even so, I'm nervous. I want to be a good wife, to be supportive and understanding. I want him to be proud of me. I can't help but to worry, watching so many marriages fall apart around us. Army wives have kind of a bad rap, and sometimes... I can see why. I want to be the exception.