No News is Good News

I've been watching the news on and off today, and all of this stuff that's going on is really depressing. This is one of those times when everyone should kiss their husband or wife, tell their kids how much they are loved, and be grateful for what they've got.
I should be grateful that I at least know my husband is alive, and I know pretty much where he is. I know I still have a home, food, gas in my car, and a place to lay my head tonight. Yet, at the same time, I feel so small and so human. I can't change the world, and the world really needs changing. My heart goes out to the people who've lost everything, especially loved ones, in the hurricane. I wish I could do something, but what? I wonder how much this will change our country, and the way we view life. I wonder what effect it will have on the next generation. I never thought I'd live to see the day when we would have refugees from our own country.

I believe in miracles

Tony told me this amazing story that happened today, and it's had me thinking ever since. For the last few months, the attendance at the church services has been dropping. Lately, it's only been Tony and maybe 1 or 2 others going to the Protestant service, which is led by Chaplain Juarez. They do not have a "chapel" yet, so the place where they meet changes constantly, and they never really know what to expect or where they will be from one week to the next. This morning, Chaplain Juarez came into the conference room, which was serving as their temporary place of worship, looking despondent. There were 2 other people besides Tony and the Chaplain in there as Chaplain Juarez informed them that he was going to cancel service for the rest of the deployment. The small group started their worship service with a few songs, as they usually do, and in the middle of the first song, someone walked in. A few minutes later, another person came. This continued on for a while, and by the end of the service, there were 12 or 13 people! Chaplain Juarez told Tony, "I guess we'll be having service next week."
How amazing is that?! When we are on the verge of giving up, God comes to our rescue!
Meanwhile, I can't imagine how frustrated that Chaplain must have felt. He does not seem at all like the type to give up, but I'm sure he was kinda og at the end of his rope. I have no doubt that he tried all he could do to get people to come, but, sometimes, we have to remember that it is God's power that brings people to Him, not our power. I want to show our deployed Chaplains that we care about them and what they are doing, and we appreciate their hard work. I'm thinking about getting something started at the Chapel. Maybe we can buy a bunch of thank you cards and get people to write a message or something, or maybe we can bring in a camcorder and record messages to them. Either way, we've got to do something to show them that they are not working for nothing. It's not just their jobs as chaplains to take care of us. We, in return, should be taking care of them.




This is one of the places where they have held service over there. Notice that huge flower growing on the right. That is the only flower Tony has seen since he's been over there.

Grumpy

I am in a bad mood, and it just occured to me that I'm probably PMSing, which means my mood isn't going to get any better until next week. So that means right now I want to complain. Blah.
I hate coming home. Unless the house is empty, I get really irritated once I pull up in the driveway and realize that someone might be there who's gonna ask me to clean stuff or pick up something for them or help someone out of a chair who is perfectly capable of getting up on their own. Ok, so right now I'm just being a snot. But, this living situation is really stressing me out. It's not my house, for one thing. It would be different if I weren't married. I guess that since I'm married, I feel like I "belong" to Tony, but since I'm living with my parents, it's like I still "belong" to them. On top of that, add a depressed, diabetic who doesn't want to do anything for herself, yet who probably wants to be independent, and it all piles up to be a lot of stress.
I get so mad at Grandma Strickland, and then I feel guilty about it. I feel like she's manipulating all of us to get some attention or something. She expects us to do everything for her, and she wants everything done at that exact moment, or she will throw a fit. A couple of nights ago, she was yelling for me to come fix her plate. I told her I'd be there in a second, because I was saying goodbye to Tony online, and she just kept yelling for me. I told her to wait a minute, and she kept yelling. I finally came out and yelled at her, and immediately felt guilty and pissed off all at the same time. I know se was afraid that her sugar was low, and she needed something to eat, but 2 more minutes would not have hurt her. I know, because I waited 2 minutes, talking to Tony, and she was fine. Then tonight, she just kept crying, and I couldn't make myself do anything more than ask her what was wrong. Mom finally came home, and told me that "Grandma needs a hug or an 'I love you.'" But, I could not bring myself to give her either one. I just didn't feel like it would be honest.
I spend so much time cooking for her, and making her plate, trying to make the food taste good and look attractive. I put her plate down on the table and call her to eat, and she plops down at the table and tells me to get her a drink. There's no "thankyou's" or anything. That makes me really mad. But, then again, have I ever thanked my parents for cooking for me? What makes me so special that I should expect my Grandmother to take notice that I cooked for her? I'm just a snot, right now. I think the sooner I get out of here, the better.

First Day of School

Well, today was my first day of classes, and it went pretty well. I only had 3 classes today: Spanish, weight training, and chorus, so I really didn't have to do too much. I have a feeling that Tuesdays and Thursdays are not gonna be my favorite days. I have 3 classes in a row on Tuesdays and 4 on Thursdays without any time to go home, so I'm gonna have to start bringing my lunch. But, It's only two days a week. If I survived 2 years of voice lessons with Dr. Schultz, I can do ANYTHING!
I'm even trying to start the semester out be beung more organized. I have this little file folder with a slot for each class, so I can put my syllabi and hw assignments into it and not lose them. I also have a slot for each month of this semester, and I made a calendar to go into each slot, so I can write in all of my due dates and tests and concerts, ad know what needs to be done, so I'm not waiting until the last minute to do everything. I hope this lasts longer than 2 weeks. I want to be one of those responsible types for a change. We'll see what happens!

Wow, I'ts been a while. I feel like so much has happened in this last week, though not a lot has actually changed. I guess just our plans.
I've been sick all week, and that's my excuse for not updating. I've been thinking about it, I just never seemed to get around to it until now.
I am actually excited about going back to school! I have lost my rebellious, antischool attitude, and replaced it with a more compliant, somewhat nerdy attitude. What has brought this all about is the brilliant idea to change my major. I've gone from earning my Bachelor of Music Education to a Bachelor of Arts in Music. The difference? Well, for starters, I don't have to take voice lessons ever again. That was my most stressful and demanding class over the last 2 years. Also, I no longer have to take my rising junior exam, which is AWESOME!! More importantly, I can finish my degree faster, and possibly move on to become a masseuse, after becoming certified, of course.
I'm really excited about my classes this semester. I'm taking Spanish, Weight Training, Chorus, Orchestration and Arranging, Oral Interpretation, Piano, Anthropology, and Recital Attendance. 14 hours, all together, which isn't bad. I think I will do just fine. For once, I'll be able to concentrate more on academics that earn more credits than worrying about my less credit music classes. YAY! I'm so excited about going back to school now.
Tony and I are also talking about getting an apartment. It's going to be virtually impossible for us to get approved for a home loan when he's getting out of the army and we don't know what job he will be doing after that. An apartment is just fine with me. That means we can move out sooner, and get our own place. We'll actually be on our own by the time he gets to come home... maybe. So, that's what's going on in my world lately.

A New Era

Ok, I'm not really sure what's wrong with me. I think I'm going through some new stage with this deployment thing. Or, maybe it's just a part of being married. I'm not sure. Either way, it sucks and I don't like it.
I've been like really grumpy the last 2 times that Tony has talked to me. I don't know why. He hasn't done anything wrong. He hasn't said anything mean. I just feel all distanced from him. It's like my pride is keeping me from talking to him. I feel all sensitive, like my feelings have been hurt, but I don't have any reason to feel like this. I think I'm kinda feeling abandoned or lonely or something, but I'm not really sure why, and I think I'm more irritated than sad about it. Maybe I'm just one of those dark and moody people who can never be satisfied. It sucks. I don't want to be like that when he calls. I look forward to it all day, and everytime the phone rings, I hope it's him. But when it finally does ring, I feel all pouty and critical. Maybe it's something that I can control, and I've just got to suck it up and get over it. Blech!