I am in a bad mood, and it just occured to me that I'm probably PMSing, which means my mood isn't going to get any better until next week. So that means right now I want to complain. Blah.
I hate coming home. Unless the house is empty, I get really irritated once I pull up in the driveway and realize that someone might be there who's gonna ask me to clean stuff or pick up something for them or help someone out of a chair who is perfectly capable of getting up on their own. Ok, so right now I'm just being a snot. But, this living situation is really stressing me out. It's not my house, for one thing. It would be different if I weren't married. I guess that since I'm married, I feel like I "belong" to Tony, but since I'm living with my parents, it's like I still "belong" to them. On top of that, add a depressed, diabetic who doesn't want to do anything for herself, yet who probably wants to be independent, and it all piles up to be a lot of stress.
I get so mad at Grandma Strickland, and then I feel guilty about it. I feel like she's manipulating all of us to get some attention or something. She expects us to do everything for her, and she wants everything done at that exact moment, or she will throw a fit. A couple of nights ago, she was yelling for me to come fix her plate. I told her I'd be there in a second, because I was saying goodbye to Tony online, and she just kept yelling for me. I told her to wait a minute, and she kept yelling. I finally came out and yelled at her, and immediately felt guilty and pissed off all at the same time. I know se was afraid that her sugar was low, and she needed something to eat, but 2 more minutes would not have hurt her. I know, because I waited 2 minutes, talking to Tony, and she was fine. Then tonight, she just kept crying, and I couldn't make myself do anything more than ask her what was wrong. Mom finally came home, and told me that "Grandma needs a hug or an 'I love you.'" But, I could not bring myself to give her either one. I just didn't feel like it would be honest.
I spend so much time cooking for her, and making her plate, trying to make the food taste good and look attractive. I put her plate down on the table and call her to eat, and she plops down at the table and tells me to get her a drink. There's no "thankyou's" or anything. That makes me really mad. But, then again, have I ever thanked my parents for cooking for me? What makes me so special that I should expect my Grandmother to take notice that I cooked for her? I'm just a snot, right now. I think the sooner I get out of here, the better.
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A little bit of writing to keep myself entertained.
"Preach the Gospel and, if necessary, use words."
~St. Francis of Assisi
5 comments:
I know exactly what your talking about. It is hard to do it "their way" and on their time schedule. I know I go through the same thing with Grandma Moore. She does not always understand that I have things to do and that she can not wait until she needs her prescription picked up right now and maybe it is not a good time for me. Being pissed off and feeling guilty at the same time is something I live with alot. Maybe it is time to start looking for your own place. You will be much happier. You are living in limbo now and that is not fun. Hang in there..... You are normal.
Don't worry about complaining. You need to get it out somehow. I do hope that you can get out on your own and that Tony comes back very soon. I feel like I am the only one with issues to deal with. I, then read your post and it makes me reflect on how we all have our stuff.
You are normal to feel that way and it is good that you can reflect on yourself and your actions at the same time. I can only imagine how you must feel being married and still somewhat dependant on your parents by living at home. You uncle Jimmy wants you to know that "he feels your pain"- hang in there
i am grumpy that there is no new post
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