Ok, I'm not really sure what's wrong with me. I think I'm going through some new stage with this deployment thing. Or, maybe it's just a part of being married. I'm not sure. Either way, it sucks and I don't like it.
I've been like really grumpy the last 2 times that Tony has talked to me. I don't know why. He hasn't done anything wrong. He hasn't said anything mean. I just feel all distanced from him. It's like my pride is keeping me from talking to him. I feel all sensitive, like my feelings have been hurt, but I don't have any reason to feel like this. I think I'm kinda feeling abandoned or lonely or something, but I'm not really sure why, and I think I'm more irritated than sad about it. Maybe I'm just one of those dark and moody people who can never be satisfied. It sucks. I don't want to be like that when he calls. I look forward to it all day, and everytime the phone rings, I hope it's him. But when it finally does ring, I feel all pouty and critical. Maybe it's something that I can control, and I've just got to suck it up and get over it. Blech!
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A little bit of writing to keep myself entertained.
"Preach the Gospel and, if necessary, use words."
~St. Francis of Assisi
3 comments:
Lori,
Gosh, your post really brings back memories to me. I have had the same issues when Jim was deployed. I think that it is a self protection issue. I know I used to be awful to Jim when he would call and then feel terrible after he hung up. Not sure what the answer is, but at least if you recognize it you can work on avoiding it. It is really hard but I know in my own case it was hard to admit how much you miss them and that you are alone, no matter how much family you have around you. Try starting your next conversation with an apology and let him know that you miss him. Seperation is so hard and when you are scared it seems even longer. I really liked your chain idea. Taking the time in sections helps the time go buy faster. Make yourself a note of three good things you want to share with Tony when he calls and then you will have a plan for a happy convestation. It takes alot of work for the wife at home, but just remember where he is and that he would rather be at home with you.
Margie
I will pray that your next converstation goes well and your grumpiness (maybe it rubbed off from me LOL) will not come out until after you are done talking to him. Take care
Aunt Margie and her words of wisdom, can't beat it! She has taken the words right out of my mouth. I feel for you sweety and just try to think happy thoughts!
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