Sunday, November 27, 2005
Moving on
Ok, I've been soooo grumpy fot the last few weeks whenever I go to church. I'm kinda realizing once again what I sort of already knew before. Tony and I need our OWN church, one that is a little more stable than the chapel. I'm kind of a little bit confused right now. The chapel holds some senitmental value for me, because it is where I grew up going to church and where I met and married my husband. But, even more than that, it has been the root of much of my frustration for as long as I've lived in Savannah. Since I've started helping with this kids church thing every Sunday, I feel like I've grown further and further away from the chapel. Everything about it seems to irritate me. Or maybe it's just being stuck with the kids.
I got really ticked off today, because the people who are basically in charge of leading the kids church never showed up. They didn't call or email or anything to let us know they weren't coming, so mom, Donna, and I were basically stuck improvising a whole stinking hour of kid's church. I really don't like doing stuff like that. Mom did a good job, getting it all together at the last minute. I really didn't have to do too much, which is good because I was so ticked off, I probably would have cried. Then, after church, when everyone was congregating outside and talking, I realized that I had no one to socialize with. I don't really know anyone my age who goes there anymore. I was so upset, and I just wanted to go home, but I had to wait 30 minutes more because I drove mom and Donna, and mom was still talking. (I told mom I'm gonna start waking up earlier so I can leave before anyone else, so I don't have to drive people and wait on them.)
So, I told Tony today about how I kind of want to look for a new church when he comes home, and he said that he really wants to go somewhere else as well. He doesn't like how much everything changes so often either. And I'm so relieved, because I didn't want to be selfish and pull Tony away from the chapel if he wanted to stay there. But, he doesn't, so I can finally get away! It's really not that bad, but it's just not right for me, and apparently for Tony either.
I got really ticked off today, because the people who are basically in charge of leading the kids church never showed up. They didn't call or email or anything to let us know they weren't coming, so mom, Donna, and I were basically stuck improvising a whole stinking hour of kid's church. I really don't like doing stuff like that. Mom did a good job, getting it all together at the last minute. I really didn't have to do too much, which is good because I was so ticked off, I probably would have cried. Then, after church, when everyone was congregating outside and talking, I realized that I had no one to socialize with. I don't really know anyone my age who goes there anymore. I was so upset, and I just wanted to go home, but I had to wait 30 minutes more because I drove mom and Donna, and mom was still talking. (I told mom I'm gonna start waking up earlier so I can leave before anyone else, so I don't have to drive people and wait on them.)
So, I told Tony today about how I kind of want to look for a new church when he comes home, and he said that he really wants to go somewhere else as well. He doesn't like how much everything changes so often either. And I'm so relieved, because I didn't want to be selfish and pull Tony away from the chapel if he wanted to stay there. But, he doesn't, so I can finally get away! It's really not that bad, but it's just not right for me, and apparently for Tony either.
Friday, November 25, 2005
Apartment Pictures
I got to see the apartment today. They've finished putting in new carpet and counter tops, but they haven't cleaned it up yet.
The floorplan is just like the one i have pictured here, only flipped, so the kitchen is on the right and the bedroom is on the left. I bought a mattress today, also, so i can't wait t figure out how much furniture we actually have for our apartment. It's on the second floor, so it should be tons of fun moving in! That's all for now.
The floorplan is just like the one i have pictured here, only flipped, so the kitchen is on the right and the bedroom is on the left. I bought a mattress today, also, so i can't wait t figure out how much furniture we actually have for our apartment. It's on the second floor, so it should be tons of fun moving in! That's all for now.
Friday, November 18, 2005
mixed feelings
I'm going on a cruise with Ted, Lisa, Matthew, Shane, and Colby, and right now I have mixed feelings. Don't get me wrong. I am so excited about going. It's getting cold up here, and I'm ready to get out into some sun, and maybe actually swim in ocean water that isn't brown. It will be fun hanging out with all of them on the boat and visiting some islands. But, in spite of all this, I feel sad. I won't be able to talk to Tony at all while I am away. And now, knowing that this time tomorrow we'll be sailing, I feel awful. I look forward to talking to him every night. It's what gets me through the day. In fact, when Ted told me about this awesome opportunity, I almost said no, because I knew I wouldn't get to talk to Tony at all. But, at the same time, maybe I will have so much fun that the days will fly by, and I'll come home on our 1 Year Anniversary, and have so many wonderful things to tell Tony about my trip, that I will feel that much closer to his coming home. After all, if the date they've given him stays the same, Tony will be leaving Iraq exactly one month from our Anniversary, Thanksgiving, and Colby's Birthday. He will finally be coming home, to our very own home, for good.
Monday, November 07, 2005
What IS going on?
I just got out of my Spanish class. I'm still trying to remember a whole bunch of vocab. Yay!
Ok, so, here's a little update on what's going on with me and mi familia. Mi padre is sequestered (spelling?) for some huge murder trial that's going on right now to decide if this guy should get the death penalty or not. Wow. That's one decision I hope I never have to make. I miss talking to him and just having him in the house. So, it's just me, madre, and abuela over here, plus Donna (random, but nice, soldier lady who is living here until she gets out of the army...) Abuela is driving me loca. She fell down last night, face first, and oh so much blood just started pouring everywhere. She panicked, as did I, and she kept blowing her nose, even though I was telling her not to, because that makes the bleeding worse. I said, "Breathe through your mouth, Grandma," which she answered with, "I caaaaaaan't," even though that's what she was already doing. After that, she started yelling at me everytime I left the living room because she didn't want me to leave. I couldn't be in the same room with her anymore. She just lost her last living brother this past week, so I guess she's a little more crazy than usual. I think the craziness is contagious.
So, in other news this week, I've put down a deposit on an apartment at King's Cove. It's a 1 br, 1 ba on the 2nd floor with a balconey thing and a walk in closet. I can start moving in on December 1st and have everything ready by the time Tony comes home in January. I'm so excited. I don't know how much stuff I have for el apartmento, and I won't know until I start moving stuff. I'm sure we'll get by just fine, though. I can tell you that I already have a beautiful martini set that Nicole got for Tony and I. It's not something I would have ever bought myself,and I doubt I'll ever use it because I'm weird and I only like to drink milk and water, but it comes with six glasses, a pitcher and a stirer thingy, and I like it. Yay for me.
Well, that's all for now. If any of y'all see me in the next few days, keep your distance. I have a cold. Blah
Ok, so, here's a little update on what's going on with me and mi familia. Mi padre is sequestered (spelling?) for some huge murder trial that's going on right now to decide if this guy should get the death penalty or not. Wow. That's one decision I hope I never have to make. I miss talking to him and just having him in the house. So, it's just me, madre, and abuela over here, plus Donna (random, but nice, soldier lady who is living here until she gets out of the army...) Abuela is driving me loca. She fell down last night, face first, and oh so much blood just started pouring everywhere. She panicked, as did I, and she kept blowing her nose, even though I was telling her not to, because that makes the bleeding worse. I said, "Breathe through your mouth, Grandma," which she answered with, "I caaaaaaan't," even though that's what she was already doing. After that, she started yelling at me everytime I left the living room because she didn't want me to leave. I couldn't be in the same room with her anymore. She just lost her last living brother this past week, so I guess she's a little more crazy than usual. I think the craziness is contagious.
So, in other news this week, I've put down a deposit on an apartment at King's Cove. It's a 1 br, 1 ba on the 2nd floor with a balconey thing and a walk in closet. I can start moving in on December 1st and have everything ready by the time Tony comes home in January. I'm so excited. I don't know how much stuff I have for el apartmento, and I won't know until I start moving stuff. I'm sure we'll get by just fine, though. I can tell you that I already have a beautiful martini set that Nicole got for Tony and I. It's not something I would have ever bought myself,and I doubt I'll ever use it because I'm weird and I only like to drink milk and water, but it comes with six glasses, a pitcher and a stirer thingy, and I like it. Yay for me.
Well, that's all for now. If any of y'all see me in the next few days, keep your distance. I have a cold. Blah
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
So, here we are, in the last couple of months of deployment. Before long, I'll be jumping every time the phone rings, hoping this call will tell me when and where to go pick up my soldier. I've been hearing so much about how difficult the whole homecoming thing is, and to be honest, I'm a little nervous. I've been looking forward to Tony coming home since before he left. I've thought about it, dreamed about it, talked about it, wrote about it. And yet, there's a little voice in the back of my head whispering all sorts of negative things. What if he doesn't like how I've set up house? What if he doesn't like how I've spent our money? What if we don't know how to get along any more? What if he notices the weight I've put on and thinks I'm unattractive?
Writing out all of my ridiculous insecurities I can see how, well, ridiculous they are. Tony and I have been very fortunae through this deployment in that we've been able to talk on the phone and/or internet almost every day. We've learned things about each other in the course of a few months that it may have taken us years to learn otherwise. We've spoken more to each other than many couples do through their entire marriages. Most importantly, I know that Tony loves me. He does everything he possibly can to make sure I know this. Even so, I'm nervous. I want to be a good wife, to be supportive and understanding. I want him to be proud of me. I can't help but to worry, watching so many marriages fall apart around us. Army wives have kind of a bad rap, and sometimes... I can see why. I want to be the exception.
Writing out all of my ridiculous insecurities I can see how, well, ridiculous they are. Tony and I have been very fortunae through this deployment in that we've been able to talk on the phone and/or internet almost every day. We've learned things about each other in the course of a few months that it may have taken us years to learn otherwise. We've spoken more to each other than many couples do through their entire marriages. Most importantly, I know that Tony loves me. He does everything he possibly can to make sure I know this. Even so, I'm nervous. I want to be a good wife, to be supportive and understanding. I want him to be proud of me. I can't help but to worry, watching so many marriages fall apart around us. Army wives have kind of a bad rap, and sometimes... I can see why. I want to be the exception.
Friday, October 14, 2005
.
I signed no contracts.
I swore no oath.
But I made a promise
To have and to hold
To love and to cherish
Till death do us part.
How many times have I heard that long distance love doesn’t work?
And how many times have I talked to my soldier,
Exhausted beyond belief,
But there for me, none the less,
Just calling to make sure I know
I am loved?
He signed the contract,
Swore the oath,
Made the promise,
To do his duty,
To do his job.
He made another promise,
To love and to cherish
Till death do us part.
I am proud of him
For keeping them both.
I swore no oath.
But I made a promise
To have and to hold
To love and to cherish
Till death do us part.
How many times have I heard that long distance love doesn’t work?
And how many times have I talked to my soldier,
Exhausted beyond belief,
But there for me, none the less,
Just calling to make sure I know
I am loved?
He signed the contract,
Swore the oath,
Made the promise,
To do his duty,
To do his job.
He made another promise,
To love and to cherish
Till death do us part.
I am proud of him
For keeping them both.
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Too long since the last post!
I have nothing to say, but I feel like writing. I was feeling kind of down all day today. I don't know what's wrong with me. How do military couples deal with this separation stuff all the time? I think I just get angry sometimes, because I feel like I'm not going anywhere. I feel like time isn't going by. What scares me is if when Tony comes home, and I'm still unhappy. But, I know that it really isn't that bad. I'm just PMSing and being all melodramatic. Tony makes me happy. He makes me giddy. Everything is funnier when he is around, and he makes me feel safe. I couldn't ask for a better husband, or a better friend.
I was thinking today, about how I never feel totally and completely comfortable, like I'm never in my own skin. It scares me sometimes, because I have this sort of internal voice whispering that I don't quite belong. So, I was thinking about all this and wondering if I will ever feel comfortable in this life. It made me think of something in Hebrews 11:13
All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth.
The new testament talks a lot about how Christians are strangers or aliens in the world because we were created to be with God, not to be separated from Him. So, basically, I'm never going to feel completely comfortable in my own skin as long as I am on earth. There's always going to be something missing, something that only God can fill. I guess that means that I don't want to be comfortable and complacent. I don't want to just settle. At least, no matter what, I'll always have this promise:
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
I was thinking today, about how I never feel totally and completely comfortable, like I'm never in my own skin. It scares me sometimes, because I have this sort of internal voice whispering that I don't quite belong. So, I was thinking about all this and wondering if I will ever feel comfortable in this life. It made me think of something in Hebrews 11:13
All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth.
The new testament talks a lot about how Christians are strangers or aliens in the world because we were created to be with God, not to be separated from Him. So, basically, I'm never going to feel completely comfortable in my own skin as long as I am on earth. There's always going to be something missing, something that only God can fill. I guess that means that I don't want to be comfortable and complacent. I don't want to just settle. At least, no matter what, I'll always have this promise:
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Pictures From Iraq
Tony Sent me some pictures today, so I thought I would share them.
He's got his helmet all decorated!
Don't they look tough?
Well, that's all for now. I'm glad it's almost October!
He's got his helmet all decorated!
Don't they look tough?
Well, that's all for now. I'm glad it's almost October!
Monday, September 26, 2005
My Patriotic Bookbag
Well, Kari asked me when I was going to post more pictures, and this is the only one I have right now. I got bored last week and sewed a couple of patches onto the bag I use for school. They are both patches that Tony left behind, and I'm pretty sure he won't need them again. I had someone stop me on campus the other day when she saw the 3rd ID patch (blue and white) to tell me that she was in the 3rd ID, but she had retired 4 months ago. She was in the army for 25 years! WOW.
I am so tired! I've been at school all day practicing with the choir and stuff, and I don't think I want to sing again any time soon. I'm just a tad bit grumpy right now, so I'd better go to sleep.
Oh yeah, the cleaning the other day turned out just how I thought it would. I spent about 15 minutes on my room and the rest of the time cleaning other rooms. Oh well. Maybe it will get better when I have to move out and pack up all of my junk. Hopefully I'll be able to make myself get rid of a lot of stuff.
Saturday, September 24, 2005
It's The Weekend!
I'm kinda glad it's Saturday and kind of not. Since I'm not working today, I didn't have to wake up early. However, my mom did come in to tell me that we need to clean today. OH well. If she will just leave me alone to try to work out the mess in my own room, that will be fine. I have a feeling that I'm gonna have to clean other areas of the house first, though, and that will frustrate me, cuz I really need a chance to just straighten up my own mess.
The days are going by pretty fast now. It's already nearing the end of September. Next month is midterms for me, and then it's all downhill from there. I hope. It's so strange to me that I'm not all stressed out right now. This time last semester I was worrying about doing 8 hours of listening journals and learning all of my pieces so I could memorize them before my rising junior exam. If anyone thinks that studying music in college is easy, they are SO wrong. Well, actually... I AM studying music still, and now that I got the other stuff out of the way, it's just a little challenging. Not too easy, but not too hard. I'm begining to get used to the idea that I might actually get to be a masseuse in a few years. That was my career goal in high school until I got the stupid idea that if it doesn't require a college degree, then it isn't a career. Well, I'm getting a college degree, and to be honest, there's not much I can do with it. I'll be able to identify a fully augmented 7th chord in 2nd inversion, but who really cares? Being a masseuse will be fun, and I should be paid well, and I will be helping people, maybe even healing them in a way. It's something that I really want to do, and I hope it works out.
The days are going by pretty fast now. It's already nearing the end of September. Next month is midterms for me, and then it's all downhill from there. I hope. It's so strange to me that I'm not all stressed out right now. This time last semester I was worrying about doing 8 hours of listening journals and learning all of my pieces so I could memorize them before my rising junior exam. If anyone thinks that studying music in college is easy, they are SO wrong. Well, actually... I AM studying music still, and now that I got the other stuff out of the way, it's just a little challenging. Not too easy, but not too hard. I'm begining to get used to the idea that I might actually get to be a masseuse in a few years. That was my career goal in high school until I got the stupid idea that if it doesn't require a college degree, then it isn't a career. Well, I'm getting a college degree, and to be honest, there's not much I can do with it. I'll be able to identify a fully augmented 7th chord in 2nd inversion, but who really cares? Being a masseuse will be fun, and I should be paid well, and I will be helping people, maybe even healing them in a way. It's something that I really want to do, and I hope it works out.
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
My Internet Works!
Goodmorning all. My internet on my computer has been down for about a week and a half, but it started working again. I hope it keeps working this time! Well, I'm keeping pretty busy going to school and trying to work a few hours every week. I'm looking forward to January, as it seems like that is the most likely month that Tony will come home. I'm also looking forward to possibly getting an apartment and December and setting up house. I'm really excited about that, and a tiny bit nervous. Well, that's all that's going on right now. I've got to go to school. BYE!
Friday, September 02, 2005
Just Don't Answer the Phone
I really wish our caller ID was hooked up right. I answered the phone today because I thought it might be my mom calling. Well, it wasn't. Some guy was trying to convince me that the government had selected me to get a gernerous grant (about $2,000, i think) and all I had to do was give him my bank info... Oh yeah, sure I'll believe that. He claimed his name was Jack Willson, even though he had a very thick accent and was kinda hard to understand. (I'm sure that was intentional.) He wouldn't andwer my questions, which included:
What criteria does the government use to award this grant money?
Do you have a website I can go to, to make sure yours is a valid company?
How do I know this isn't a fraud?
The answers he gave me were all bogus. He told me he worked for some company called Advantage America, which happens to be a motgage company, and that their hours of operation are Monday- Friday, 9-5 EST. He called me after 6. He must have tried for a good 10 minutes to convince me to give him my info, claiming that the "safest" way for them to give me the money would be by direct deposit. I was like, "That's nice, but I'm not giving YOU my account info." If her were legit, I think he would have given up a lot earlier. Finally, he's like, "I'm not going to force you ma'am. It's your money." Darn right it is. And don't you forget it!
Well, to be honest, it was kinda fun being rude to and arguing with a complete stranger. I hope he gets arrested.
What criteria does the government use to award this grant money?
Do you have a website I can go to, to make sure yours is a valid company?
How do I know this isn't a fraud?
The answers he gave me were all bogus. He told me he worked for some company called Advantage America, which happens to be a motgage company, and that their hours of operation are Monday- Friday, 9-5 EST. He called me after 6. He must have tried for a good 10 minutes to convince me to give him my info, claiming that the "safest" way for them to give me the money would be by direct deposit. I was like, "That's nice, but I'm not giving YOU my account info." If her were legit, I think he would have given up a lot earlier. Finally, he's like, "I'm not going to force you ma'am. It's your money." Darn right it is. And don't you forget it!
Well, to be honest, it was kinda fun being rude to and arguing with a complete stranger. I hope he gets arrested.
Thursday, September 01, 2005
Oh, Be careful little eyes, little ears
I am in a better mood right now. I really think it has something to do with listening to Christian music, and NOT watching the news today. That kinda stuff really depresses me. I strongly believe that people are affected by what they watch and listen to. That's why I started listening to only Christian music a few years ago. I've REALLY been getting away from it lately. But, I found this website today that streams Christian music videos. It's pretty cool, but maybe a bit too heavy for my taste. I was wondering if maybe Aggie might like it. Well, anyways, it's
http://tvulive.com/ if anyone is interested.
Philippians 4:8
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
http://tvulive.com/ if anyone is interested.
Philippians 4:8
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
No News is Good News
I've been watching the news on and off today, and all of this stuff that's going on is really depressing. This is one of those times when everyone should kiss their husband or wife, tell their kids how much they are loved, and be grateful for what they've got.
I should be grateful that I at least know my husband is alive, and I know pretty much where he is. I know I still have a home, food, gas in my car, and a place to lay my head tonight. Yet, at the same time, I feel so small and so human. I can't change the world, and the world really needs changing. My heart goes out to the people who've lost everything, especially loved ones, in the hurricane. I wish I could do something, but what? I wonder how much this will change our country, and the way we view life. I wonder what effect it will have on the next generation. I never thought I'd live to see the day when we would have refugees from our own country.
I should be grateful that I at least know my husband is alive, and I know pretty much where he is. I know I still have a home, food, gas in my car, and a place to lay my head tonight. Yet, at the same time, I feel so small and so human. I can't change the world, and the world really needs changing. My heart goes out to the people who've lost everything, especially loved ones, in the hurricane. I wish I could do something, but what? I wonder how much this will change our country, and the way we view life. I wonder what effect it will have on the next generation. I never thought I'd live to see the day when we would have refugees from our own country.
Sunday, August 28, 2005
I believe in miracles
Tony told me this amazing story that happened today, and it's had me thinking ever since. For the last few months, the attendance at the church services has been dropping. Lately, it's only been Tony and maybe 1 or 2 others going to the Protestant service, which is led by Chaplain Juarez. They do not have a "chapel" yet, so the place where they meet changes constantly, and they never really know what to expect or where they will be from one week to the next. This morning, Chaplain Juarez came into the conference room, which was serving as their temporary place of worship, looking despondent. There were 2 other people besides Tony and the Chaplain in there as Chaplain Juarez informed them that he was going to cancel service for the rest of the deployment. The small group started their worship service with a few songs, as they usually do, and in the middle of the first song, someone walked in. A few minutes later, another person came. This continued on for a while, and by the end of the service, there were 12 or 13 people! Chaplain Juarez told Tony, "I guess we'll be having service next week."
How amazing is that?! When we are on the verge of giving up, God comes to our rescue!
Meanwhile, I can't imagine how frustrated that Chaplain must have felt. He does not seem at all like the type to give up, but I'm sure he was kinda og at the end of his rope. I have no doubt that he tried all he could do to get people to come, but, sometimes, we have to remember that it is God's power that brings people to Him, not our power. I want to show our deployed Chaplains that we care about them and what they are doing, and we appreciate their hard work. I'm thinking about getting something started at the Chapel. Maybe we can buy a bunch of thank you cards and get people to write a message or something, or maybe we can bring in a camcorder and record messages to them. Either way, we've got to do something to show them that they are not working for nothing. It's not just their jobs as chaplains to take care of us. We, in return, should be taking care of them.
This is one of the places where they have held service over there. Notice that huge flower growing on the right. That is the only flower Tony has seen since he's been over there.
How amazing is that?! When we are on the verge of giving up, God comes to our rescue!
Meanwhile, I can't imagine how frustrated that Chaplain must have felt. He does not seem at all like the type to give up, but I'm sure he was kinda og at the end of his rope. I have no doubt that he tried all he could do to get people to come, but, sometimes, we have to remember that it is God's power that brings people to Him, not our power. I want to show our deployed Chaplains that we care about them and what they are doing, and we appreciate their hard work. I'm thinking about getting something started at the Chapel. Maybe we can buy a bunch of thank you cards and get people to write a message or something, or maybe we can bring in a camcorder and record messages to them. Either way, we've got to do something to show them that they are not working for nothing. It's not just their jobs as chaplains to take care of us. We, in return, should be taking care of them.
This is one of the places where they have held service over there. Notice that huge flower growing on the right. That is the only flower Tony has seen since he's been over there.
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Grumpy
I am in a bad mood, and it just occured to me that I'm probably PMSing, which means my mood isn't going to get any better until next week. So that means right now I want to complain. Blah.
I hate coming home. Unless the house is empty, I get really irritated once I pull up in the driveway and realize that someone might be there who's gonna ask me to clean stuff or pick up something for them or help someone out of a chair who is perfectly capable of getting up on their own. Ok, so right now I'm just being a snot. But, this living situation is really stressing me out. It's not my house, for one thing. It would be different if I weren't married. I guess that since I'm married, I feel like I "belong" to Tony, but since I'm living with my parents, it's like I still "belong" to them. On top of that, add a depressed, diabetic who doesn't want to do anything for herself, yet who probably wants to be independent, and it all piles up to be a lot of stress.
I get so mad at Grandma Strickland, and then I feel guilty about it. I feel like she's manipulating all of us to get some attention or something. She expects us to do everything for her, and she wants everything done at that exact moment, or she will throw a fit. A couple of nights ago, she was yelling for me to come fix her plate. I told her I'd be there in a second, because I was saying goodbye to Tony online, and she just kept yelling for me. I told her to wait a minute, and she kept yelling. I finally came out and yelled at her, and immediately felt guilty and pissed off all at the same time. I know se was afraid that her sugar was low, and she needed something to eat, but 2 more minutes would not have hurt her. I know, because I waited 2 minutes, talking to Tony, and she was fine. Then tonight, she just kept crying, and I couldn't make myself do anything more than ask her what was wrong. Mom finally came home, and told me that "Grandma needs a hug or an 'I love you.'" But, I could not bring myself to give her either one. I just didn't feel like it would be honest.
I spend so much time cooking for her, and making her plate, trying to make the food taste good and look attractive. I put her plate down on the table and call her to eat, and she plops down at the table and tells me to get her a drink. There's no "thankyou's" or anything. That makes me really mad. But, then again, have I ever thanked my parents for cooking for me? What makes me so special that I should expect my Grandmother to take notice that I cooked for her? I'm just a snot, right now. I think the sooner I get out of here, the better.
I hate coming home. Unless the house is empty, I get really irritated once I pull up in the driveway and realize that someone might be there who's gonna ask me to clean stuff or pick up something for them or help someone out of a chair who is perfectly capable of getting up on their own. Ok, so right now I'm just being a snot. But, this living situation is really stressing me out. It's not my house, for one thing. It would be different if I weren't married. I guess that since I'm married, I feel like I "belong" to Tony, but since I'm living with my parents, it's like I still "belong" to them. On top of that, add a depressed, diabetic who doesn't want to do anything for herself, yet who probably wants to be independent, and it all piles up to be a lot of stress.
I get so mad at Grandma Strickland, and then I feel guilty about it. I feel like she's manipulating all of us to get some attention or something. She expects us to do everything for her, and she wants everything done at that exact moment, or she will throw a fit. A couple of nights ago, she was yelling for me to come fix her plate. I told her I'd be there in a second, because I was saying goodbye to Tony online, and she just kept yelling for me. I told her to wait a minute, and she kept yelling. I finally came out and yelled at her, and immediately felt guilty and pissed off all at the same time. I know se was afraid that her sugar was low, and she needed something to eat, but 2 more minutes would not have hurt her. I know, because I waited 2 minutes, talking to Tony, and she was fine. Then tonight, she just kept crying, and I couldn't make myself do anything more than ask her what was wrong. Mom finally came home, and told me that "Grandma needs a hug or an 'I love you.'" But, I could not bring myself to give her either one. I just didn't feel like it would be honest.
I spend so much time cooking for her, and making her plate, trying to make the food taste good and look attractive. I put her plate down on the table and call her to eat, and she plops down at the table and tells me to get her a drink. There's no "thankyou's" or anything. That makes me really mad. But, then again, have I ever thanked my parents for cooking for me? What makes me so special that I should expect my Grandmother to take notice that I cooked for her? I'm just a snot, right now. I think the sooner I get out of here, the better.
Monday, August 15, 2005
First Day of School
Well, today was my first day of classes, and it went pretty well. I only had 3 classes today: Spanish, weight training, and chorus, so I really didn't have to do too much. I have a feeling that Tuesdays and Thursdays are not gonna be my favorite days. I have 3 classes in a row on Tuesdays and 4 on Thursdays without any time to go home, so I'm gonna have to start bringing my lunch. But, It's only two days a week. If I survived 2 years of voice lessons with Dr. Schultz, I can do ANYTHING!
I'm even trying to start the semester out be beung more organized. I have this little file folder with a slot for each class, so I can put my syllabi and hw assignments into it and not lose them. I also have a slot for each month of this semester, and I made a calendar to go into each slot, so I can write in all of my due dates and tests and concerts, ad know what needs to be done, so I'm not waiting until the last minute to do everything. I hope this lasts longer than 2 weeks. I want to be one of those responsible types for a change. We'll see what happens!
I'm even trying to start the semester out be beung more organized. I have this little file folder with a slot for each class, so I can put my syllabi and hw assignments into it and not lose them. I also have a slot for each month of this semester, and I made a calendar to go into each slot, so I can write in all of my due dates and tests and concerts, ad know what needs to be done, so I'm not waiting until the last minute to do everything. I hope this lasts longer than 2 weeks. I want to be one of those responsible types for a change. We'll see what happens!
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